I’ve been almost completely bed bound for nearly four days with fevers, migraines and a bad case of what I’m sure will begin the zombie apocalypse. Anyway…after four days of not eating much or in fact keeping anything down…I heard the home ice cream man make his way down my street. I decided that I should eat something – and evidently that something should be choc coated caramel ice-cream (organic, of course, don’t want to eat ‘junk’ food).
So, after laying in the foetal position for set days, I had quickly manoeuvred myself from my bed to follow the sound of that ghastly bell that was both the sound of heaven (guiding me to my prize), and hell (as it increased the level of my continuous migraine).
Now…if I had some time to think before making my path after the poor ice cream delivery driver I may had made a different impression on both him and all the local neighbourhood kids. See – as you know that when you feel like shit your appearance means – well – little! Seems I gave quite the impression, though. Of course, I did. Just not the one I intended.
So firstly seeing a grown woman wearing blue fluffy PJ pants with guitars on them at 6 pm is a good start…having those pants slightly fall due to recent weight loss whilst running also adds to the atmosphere. Actually, it was more of a limp than run as my foot was still asleep. It clearly hadn’t caught on that there was ice-cream involved in this journey. Topping off to this PJ look is a black shirt that looks like a skeleton is making its way out of my chest.
Add insult to injury as my eyes are still bloodshot and weeping causing one to be almost completely shut while the other looks like it has sucked up a bag of speed. My nose is running faster than Usain Bolt and my recently purple dyed hair is standing up in so many directions that even the local birds are even afraid to nest in it.
So I chase this poor driver and he sees me and isn’t sure whether he should stop or drive away fast…but since the kids across the road wanted ice-cream too he took his chances. Poor sucker!
So whilst the kids were not sure about me they hid behind their mother. I decide to do my neighbourhood a favour and quickly order then go so I don’t scare anyone… but yeah… too late!!
You see I have been coughing up most of my internal organs all weekend and have not spoken unless I had to. So I don’t know what I was thinking, but I had decided that ordering was the best option. I started to ask the driver for the ice-cream which I wanted (The driver looked like he wanted to run for fear of me actually being an undead and attacking). The only problem was my voice was not mine. Nope. It was replaced by the voice of lucifers’ himself. The deep demonic crackle that came out sounded like it was the love child of Satan and Gollum! Yep, way to not scare/scar the kiddies.
So while everyone huddled together and funnily enough – further from me, I took my box of deliciousness and limped/scuttled back to my cave (room) with my precious!
I guess I understand why I never get invited to BBQ’s by our neighbours…would it help if I assured them I was vegetarian????
Lilith xo
*credit for the picture goes to theAwkwardYeti.com
Awkward Adult 