Sometimes I get stuck in the finer detail when writing, rather than looking at the overall picture. I don’t feel it is ‘writer’s block’ so much, but rather another form of procrastination. Just not moving forward in the story that I am telling. This is often brought on when I am evaluating feelings. Trying to describe just what my character is feeling in every sense. When this happens, I have learned to put everything I am working on aside. I jot down my ideas in a form of a short story. An Extract from another thought. And then, I can return where I was before with a clearer picture. Without excessive digression. The following little piece is one of those moments. It is not meant to represent depression or any negative emotion, rather a sense of pure freedom. I don’t know if anyone will understand it, but I will share anyway. This is how I feel unbound freedom.
Staring at the waves crashing before him he felt at peace for the first time in the long suffering that has been his life. As each wave found its way onto the sand, such force as it moved over itself in an attempt to claim the shore as its own, he smiled. This is where he was meant to be. This freedom. This vastness of water implied a greater reason for existence. It was always tugging at him, he had just never known what it was before. As he breathed in, the fresh salt air invading his senses he was lost in another world.
The sound of each wave approaching the shoreline before receding again just to try another time was a type of bliss that could not be explained. No words could ever describe the free, open and wild feelings that coursed through his brain. But every nerve ending in his body responded to the anticipation. This was where souls were freed.
A sharp noise – human – broke his concentration momentarily. A giggle, high pitched yell and the following sound of running feet. He turned to watch a couple running through the waves on the shoreline, not daring to go further than their ankles. They splashed and joked as they slowly began making their way to the dune where the street lights lit up the carpark like a beacon. The offering of shelter from the cold, fresh open air, taking them back to their everyday lives. Like ants, making their way through each day, motions set like the repetitious movements of a Newton’s Cradle. Back and forth with no real destination. He couldn’t live like that.
Sure he had things that made him smile each day, a loving family, a good job, a roof over his head and enough income to live a ‘happy’ life. He had all the things others hold so dear, yet he always felt like he was living outside his own existence. He never truly felt free. He always sought out new adventures. His friends and family referred to him as brave – a free spirit. But that was just it. He was never truly free. What was real freedom? Running away to live in a sustainable commune? Embracing the bare necessities, and living with Mother Nature?
Truth be told, nature was a strong pulling point, but not in the way many felt it. He did not want to live amongst it. He wanted to BE it. He wanted to free his soul on a plane that allowed him to become a part of the breeze that nudged the waves over the shoreline. He has always known that his spirit – his consciousness was the real him. The shell he lived in was just there until he learned how to free himself. Some people spend their entire lives searching for their rightful place of existence. Their ‘happy place’ where they will inevitably feel their souls bond with the earth and a true deep-seated inner peace will take over their being. But he has found his. True, it was an accident, but he was listening tonight to the universe calling him. He was never meant to be here tonight. The meeting ended late and he was supposed to drive home to his apartment and go to sleep. But the strings were pulled hard tonight. The wind called him to the shoreline.
It was meant to be tonight and once his feet touched the sand. His ears heard the waves roll in and out and once his cheeks felt the wind gently caress him, he knew. So he left his car in the carpark. Folded his jacket and tie on the passenger seat. He took off his shoes and socks and placed them neatly on the car floor. He removed his shirt and dress pants, leaving them under his jacket. His phone was switched off and his house keys hidden in his console. He made sure to leave his favourite song playing on the stereo for when his car was to be driven away. Then in nothing but his boxer shorts, he locked his keys in the car and walked calmly to the water’s edge.
As he took a last look around he felt this whole life begin to open to the future. He was so calm. This was always what it was building to. And he slowly walked deeper into the water – towards the winds where his soul would soon join and soar endlessly over the earth. Truly free. Free forever!
Lilith xo
Awkward Adult 