He was speeding down the highway the lights from the few other cars disappeared like a last-minute thought. Dull and fleeting. His tears began to blind his vision, but he refused to acknowledge them. To do so, would suggest that he was not a strong bold man that he was taught to be. According to his father, men don’t cry. The illuminated numbers on his dashboard showed 23:03 pm. He’s been driving for over 2 hours. With a shivering breath, he indicated and slowed down, turning off at the next exit and heading towards the city. Only 5 more minutes and he could sit and just be. He didn’t want to think. He didn’t want to go home. Going home would mean…well, there was no home anymore. He needed the world to stop. To just not move. But that was impossible. So, he decided he would stop and find somewhere to just sit and breathe by himself. Somewhere away from people. Away from what just happened. Did it just happen? Was this even real? He began fighting the tears. They were inevitable. To hold them back will be impossible. So what if he disappoints his father by not maintaining his “manliness”. This is the twenty-first century, times have changed. Men are allowed to feel. Allowed to show it. And with that last thought, the floodgates opened.

Straining to see, Aaron blinked some of the tears away. Just enough to see where he was driving. He pulled into the almost deserted parking lot of the truck stop. The sign to the diner slowly blinked an ominous red and blue. Dull and humming. 1950-s-Rocket-Diner-Neon-Sign-Custom-Neon-Signs-31-24The noise sounding like a worn out refrigerator about to give up. Turning the engine off he stared straight ahead. Tears getting thicker as he sits still. His fathers’ voice echoing in his head like old memories without the visual.

 

“Suck it up son, don’t you dare cry”

“Pansy’s cry. You’re not some kind of pansy, are you?”

“Man up. Learn to keep that shit down son”

“If you dare cry, I will beat you to an inch of your life. That will give you something to cry about; and then I will beat you again for crying the second time.”

“Just. Suck. It. Up. You fucking pussy!”

His father’s voice continued with these thoughts for what felt like hours. As he heard each one, Aaron grew angrier. By the time he was at boiling point, he was shaking so hard that his car moved with each vibration. Then like an erupting volcano, it came to the surface.

“FUUUUUCK YOOOUUUUU” Aaron screamed until his lungs had nothing left.  To his left, a trucker was walking past. Startled, he walked faster, looking around for the culprit yet desperately trying to get away. Aaron looked at his reflection. He looked a mess. His hair still wiry, like the wind itself tried to yank it out in all directions. Mud covered his clothes; his face had a cut just under his eye. He opened his glovebox and took out a napkin, wiping away some trace of the last few hours. To look less erratic. Less unhinged.

“Aggghhhhhhhh” Aaron began pounding his fists on the steering wheel. Each time he yelled, he cried harder, no longer caring who saw him. They would too, if they just went through what he did. Anybody would. As he began thinking back to Three hours ago, he became increasingly more desperate. Disbelief set in, more sobbing. Then depression. It wasn’t fair. It should have been him. Why wasn’t it him. Not that he wanted to die, but if he had a choice between her and himself, there would have been no question. She is an angel. Or was rather. Maybe she has now evolved into an actual angel. It made sense. If anyone would have, it would be her. How did he ever get so lucky to have her? To be so close to her? He will never be the same now. How could he? Nothing will ever be as it was. Since he began driving in his car to get away, to breathe, the whole world grew hazy. Darker around the edges. He tried to take in a breath, gasping like the air was disappearing with the light. Little by little. One fragment at a time. How could this happen? Why? It makes no sense. Not her. It should have been him. Not her. He sat there and cried for hours. His emotions bleeding from his core.

 

After what felt like an eternity Aaron decided to move. He was all but empty. Coffee was a plan he felt that he could cope with. He couldn’t go back yet. He needed time to process so that he could face this tragedy. With slow heavy steps, Aaron got out of his car and walked towards the flickering sign. A made his way to the door a young man opened the door for his daughter, his wife not far behind. Aaron snuck through before the door closed.

“Thanks” He muttered. He must look a pitiful sight.

The man mustn’t have heard him, and he continued with his family. Family. That’s something he will never have now. He chose a seat near the kitchen, right at the back of the diner. As he waited for the waitress to take his order. How can everything change so fast without warning? Just 4 hours ago he was with her. They were talking about her latest craft project. She loved crafts. She was making a bird feeder from recycled glass.

 

“What do you think babe?” Tori smiled at Aaron, proud of herself. It turned out exactly as she had planned.

“I love it. You are so creative. You should make more and sell them” He encouraged.

“Haha. Well, I don’t know if they are good enough to sell or if anyone else would want one. But I am definitely giving this to the local birds in our backyard”

“You are selling yourself short babe. You are very talented. And I think our birds are very lucky”. He smiled at her.

 

Brought back to the diner by a sudden noise, Aaron shook at the memory. The waitress passed by him in a hurry, returning the table at the opposite end with a mop and bucket. He didn’t want to be a pain while she cleaned the spill, so he waited. His memory again taking him back to 3 hours ago.

 

“They just issued a tornado warning. They reckon the storm coming this way may become a tornado and we should prepare just in case. But it looks so beautiful outside. What do you think Aaron?”

“Pft. It’s beautiful outside. They issue warnings all the time, and at worst, it’s a storm. We’ll be fine”

 

The memories come flooding back like a movie trailer, only show casing the important parts to the storyline. What started out as such a lovely day, quickly morphed into a nightmare. It happened so fast. Less than 3 minutes. There wasn’t enough time. No real visual warning, not until it was at his front door. How can anyone be prepared so fast? There just wasn’t enough time.

 

“ITS COMING! OH MY GOD AARON!” Tori’s voice was shill under the sound of the tornado. The imminent sound of several freight trains, yet more powerful.

“Run inside. Head to the bathroom”

“I’m scared. You come with me”

“I’m right behind you” Aaron called as he searched the room. He saw the pipes under the sink. He figured that they run deep into the ground.

“Hold on. I’m so sorry Tori, I didn’t think one would actually touch down. I’ve got you. I will not let go. You hold on to the pipe. No matter what, don’t let go you hear me. Don’t let go!”

“I love you Aaron. I love you so much”

“I love you too Tori. We will make it through this.” He was desperate. How could this be happening. Tornado warnings are commonplace but in the six years they have lived here, they have never actually seen one. Ever. It’s just empty warning. Precautions at best. This doesn’t happen. He wasn’t prepared. She wasn’t safe. He didn’t save her. How could he. He held on tight as the sound of the storm tore through the house. The winds ripped the roof right from above them.

“Hold on Tori. Hold on.”

 

Aaron sinks his head into his arms. Silently weeping. He must look so pathetic to the truckers at this diner. A real pansy as his father would say. But right now, he didn’t care. He wanted to go back. Back to when the warnings came. Maybe he could have prepared something and kept her safe. Maybe. Maybe should would be here now. The waitress bustled past Aaron without a glance. He contemplated getting her attention so he could get a coffee but found that he had lost his desire to drink one after waiting so long. Feeling deflated and ignored, Aaron got up and moved towards the door. Just as he was about to grab the handle, the door opened from outside, two giggling young women making their way into the diner. Excitement and joy filling their voices. Just as he was waiting for them to come inside, they stopped to check the phone, door wide open. He felt like he didn’t belong in this place. His mood too sour, to desperate for the joy buzzing around him. So, he ducked out through the open door, apologising to the women as he passed them. But they didn’t notice him. No one noticed his pathetic form tonight. The edges of his vision grew darker. Getting back into his car Aaron headed back in the direction he came from. The sun would rise in about 2 hours and it would take him at least that to get back to his town. Or what’s left of it, both the town and his life really. Tori was gone, so there was nothing left to go back to. But he had to go back. Find some memory of her.

 

Driving back was worse than leaving. His stomach churned with each mile closer. Bile inching its way up his throat. He tried to focus on the road. The hours seemed to drag. He needed to concentrate though. Not loose his focus. He gripped the steering wheel tighter. Afraid if he didn’t, he would lose his focus and drive himself into a ditch. As he etched closer to town, he noticed the number of emergency relief vehicles. Too late he thought. But will be welcomed by the citizens none the less. He turned off the highway and down the narrow road that led to his town. As he approached the dawn of a new day encroached the hillside off in the distance. As the veil of darkness lifted, the true devastation was vivid. The town was gone. Not just flattened and damaged, but Gone entirely. Small signs of rubble littered the paddocks and streets. Houses were no more. Even the foundations were lifted and thrown like a candy wrapper. Aaron neared his street and had to stop. He turned off the car and dropped his head into his lap. Breathe in and out, he told himself.

 

The sound of the wind was deafening. Then the sound of the roof peeling off was not like anything he had heard before. Like a giant metal ship being ripped apart. Nature tearing open the lid to a can in the roughest manner possible. Then the force of the wind hit them. Hard. Taking the breath right out of him, he clung on tighter.

“I’m slipping” she shouted. Fear tearing the edges of her voice.

“I won’t let you go” he reassured her. He mustered every ounce of strength he had and gripped tighter. But it wasn’t enough. The force of the wind was like nothing he could put into words. Then he felt himself get torn from her. It all went black. Nothing. No noise, no pain. No memory. Nothing. When he came to, he looked around the rubble for her; what was left of their lives. Shattered into matchsticks. Calling for her desperately. He could hear sobs and cries for help coming from his neighbours. People he Barbequed with. The silence was the worst. Not even crickets. The black of night around them made it all the worse. After what felt like a lifetime, he saw what will now be forever burned in his memory. A refrigerator, not even theirs, covering her legs. Right where she had been, huddled under the bathroom sink. It has taken her out in one swift motion. She wouldn’t have known. Wouldn’t have felt a thing. At least she didn’t suffer he thought. He wouldn’t have been able to bear it if she suffered and died slowly.

 

The light was slowly presenting the world of the horrors that enveloped the town last night. As Aaron walked towards where his home once stood, he still couldn’t shake the dark edges from his vision. Now that she is gone, he expects this to be permanent. As if the silence was pierced by the light, voices began to fill his head. Like the floodgates to reality were opened again. He heard his neighbour talking. Then he was shaken to the core. It was her voice. Cracked and vulnerable. But it was her. How could that be. Yes, it was dark, but he saw the legs. It was their bathroom. Where she was before he was ripped from her. As he moved past an uprooted tree he stopped. His heart pounding like a tribal drum. Thud. Thud. Thud. Each beat with purpose. Was he wrong? Did she survive? He started running. He made it past the tree and to where their house once stood. She was there. Tear stained and bloody, but she was there. A heat spread through his body. From his toes moving right up to his head slowly. It was relief. Sheer joy that she was here. He was sobbing as he moved closer to her. She was weeping. Her eyes red and swollen.

“Oh baby you made it” he breathed

“How am I supposed to move on from this?” she whispered

“We can move. We can start again somewhere else” he soothed. But she didn’t look at him

He reached out to touch her. Feel her soft skin again. But all he got was cold. Like ice, and his hand went right through her.

“Oh God! You are just a ghost. You didn’t make it” he wailed. His heart breaking all over again. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry” Aaron was in a state of shock. He could see her. She looked so real. But she wasn’t here with him. She couldn’t see him. Couldn’t hear him. She was stuck in a cycle of the aftermath. Reliving her last moments.

“Henry, we need to move the fridge and get his body out. I don’t want his mother to see him like this. She is on her way.” Tori looked over her shoulder at Aaron’s best friend.

“Yeah, ok, I’ll get help to move it. I’m so sorry Tori. I am going to miss him too. It isn’t fair. It doesn’t seem real” Henry turned to find someone to help him.

“What are you both talking about?” His voice quivered. Confusion caking his mind. And then the last strings of sunlight made it over the horizon, lighting up the whole site. Illuminating every detail. The broken aquarium just two meters from where it used to sit. The shattered bathroom with a stranger’s refrigerator covering the legs. The tattoo he got on his honeymoon, on the ankle of the legs under the fridge…wait!  He looked at his own ankle. It was the same tattoo. He got a matching one with Tori. They both have a coral reef on their left ankle. A scene from what they saw as they were snorkelling together on their honey moon. Everything went cold. Aaron stood up and looked around. His car was wrapped around the big oak tree in the yard across the road. But how could that be. He was driving it across the country last night. But there is was. His personalised plates gleaming at him in the morning sun. People were cleaning up, scavenging for remains of their lives. He didn’t understand. How can he be here and there at the same time? He thought back to the diner, the waitress, as if she didn’t see him at all. The family opening the door, didn’t acknowledge his thank you, didn’t even look at him. The young girls heading in to the diner, shivering as he moved past them. His legs were under the fridge. Not hers. His. He heard the fire brigade make their way to his property. Suddenly it all made sense. He understood. She was safe though. And that’s all that mattered. He did his job. He held her for as long as he could. And she made it. Nothing else mattered anymore. Nothing.

“Suck it up son, don’t you dare cry”

“Pansy’s cry. You’re not some kind of pansy, are you?”

“Man up. Learn to keep that shit down son”

“If you dare cry, I will beat you to an inch of your life. That will give you something to cry about, and then I will beat you again for crying the second time.”

“Just. Suck. It. Up. You fucking pussy!”

His father’s voice continued with these thoughts for what felt like hours. As he heard each one, Aaron grew angrier. By the time he was at boiling point, he was shaking so hard that his car moved with each vibration. Then like an erupting volcano, it came to the surface.

“FUUUUUCK YOOOUUUUU” Aaron screamed until his lungs had nothing left.  To his left, a trucker was walking past. Startled, he walked faster, looking around for the culprit yet desperately trying to get away. Aaron looked at his reflection. He looked a mess. His hair still wiry, like the wind itself tried to yank it out in all directions. Mud covered his clothes; his face had a cut just under his eye. He opened his glovebox and took out a napkin, wiping away some trace of the last few hours. To look less erratic. Less unhinged.

“Aggghhhhhhhh” Aaron began pounding his fists on the steering wheel. Each time he yelled, he cried harder, no longer caring who saw him. They would too if they just went through what he did. Anybody would. As he began thinking back to Three hours ago, he became increasingly more desperate. Disbelief set in, more sobbing. Then depression. It wasn’t fair. It should have been him. Why wasn’t it him? Not that he wanted to die, but if he had a choice between her and himself, there would have been no question. She is an angel. Or was rather. Maybe she has now evolved into an actual angel. It made sense. If anyone would have, it would be her. How did he ever get so lucky to have her? To be so close to her? He will never be the same now. How could he? Nothing will ever be as it was. Since he began driving in his car to get away, to breathe, the whole world grew hazy. Darker around the edges. He tried to take in a breath, gasping like the air was disappearing with the light. Little by little. One fragment at a time. How could this happen? Why? It makes no sense. Not her. It should have been him. Not her. He sat there and cried for hours. His emotions bleeding from his core.

 

After what felt like an eternity Aaron decided to move. He was all but empty. Coffee was a plan he felt that he could cope with. He couldn’t go back yet. He needed time to process so that he could face this tragedy. With slow heavy steps, Aaron got out of his car and walked towards the flickering sign. A made his way to the door a young man opened the door for his daughter, his wife not far behind. Aaron snuck through before the door closed.

“Thanks” He muttered. He must look a pitiful sight.

The man mustn’t have heard him, and he continued with his family. Family. That’s something he will never have now. He chose a seat near the kitchen, right at the back of the diner. As he waited for the waitress to take his order. How can everything change so fast without warning? Just 4 hours ago he was with her. They were talking about her latest craft project. She loved crafts. She was making a bird feeder from recycled glass.

 

“What do you think babe?” Tori smiled at Aaron, proud of herself. It turned out exactly as she had planned.

“I love it. You are so creative. You should make more and sell them” He encouraged.

“Haha. Well, I don’t know if they are good enough to sell or if anyone else would want one. But I am definitely giving this to the local birds in our backyard”

“You are selling yourself short babe. You are very talented. And I think our birds are very lucky”. He smiled at her.

 

Brought back to the diner by a sudden noise, Aaron shook at the memory. The waitress passed by him in a hurry, returning the table at the opposite end with a mop and bucket. He didn’t want to be a pain while she cleaned the spill, so he waited. His memory again taking him back to 3 hours ago.

 

“They just issued a tornado warning. They reckon the storm coming this way may become a tornado and we should prepare just in case. But it looks so beautiful outside. What do you think Aaron?”

“Pft. It’s beautiful outside. They issue warnings all the time, and at worst, it’s a storm. We’ll be fine”

 

The memories come flooding back like a movie trailer, only showcasing the important parts to the storyline. What started out as such a lovely day, quickly morphed into a nightmare. It happened so fast. Less than 3 minutes. There wasn’t enough time. No real visual warning, not until it was at his front door. How can anyone be prepared so fast? There just wasn’t enough time.

 

“IT’S COMING! OH MY GOD AARON!” Tori’s voice was shrill under the sound of the tornado. The imminent sound of several freight trains, yet more powerful.

“Run inside. Head to the bathroom”

“I’m scared. You come with me”

“I’m right behind you” Aaron called as he searched the room. He saw the pipes under the sink. He figured that they run deep into the ground.

“Hold on. I’m so sorry Tori, I didn’t think one would actually touch down. I’ve got you. I will not let go. You hold on to the pipe. No matter what, don’t let go you hear me. Don’t let go!”

“I love you Aaron. I love you so much”

“I love you too Tori. We will make it through this.” He was desperate. How could this be happening? Tornado warnings are commonplace but in the six years they have lived here, they have never actually seen one. Ever. It’s just empty warning. Precautions at best. This doesn’t happen. He wasn’t prepared. She wasn’t safe. He didn’t save her. How could he? He held on tight as the sound of the storm tore through the house. The winds ripped the roof right from above them.

“Hold on Tori. Hold on.”

 

Aaron sinks his head into his arms. Silently weeping. He must look so pathetic to the truckers at this diner. A real pansy as his father would say. But right now, he didn’t care. He wanted to go back. Back to when the warnings came. Maybe he could have prepared something and kept her safe. Maybe. Maybe she would be here now. The waitress bustled past Aaron without a glance. He contemplated getting her attention so he could get a coffee but found that he had lost his desire to drink one after waiting so long. Feeling deflated and ignored, Aaron got up and moved towards the door. Just as he was about to grab the handle, the door opened from outside, two giggling young women making their way into the diner. Excitement and joy filling their voices. Just as he was waiting for them to come inside, they stopped to check the phone, door wide open. He felt like he didn’t belong in this place. His mood too sour, to desperate for the joy that was buzzing around him. So, he ducked out through the open door, apologising to the women as he passed them. But they didn’t notice him. No one noticed his pathetic form tonight. The edges of his vision grew darker. Getting back into his car Aaron headed back in the direction he came from. The sun would rise in about 2 hours and it would take him at least that to get back to his town. Or what’s left of it, both the town and his life really. Tori was gone, so there was nothing left to go back to. But he had to go back. Find some memory of her.

 

Driving back was worse than leaving. His stomach churned with each mile closer. Bile inching its way up to his throat. He tried to focus on the road. The hours seemed to drag. He needed to concentrate though. Not lose his focus. He gripped the steering wheel tighter. Afraid if he didn’t, he would lose his focus and drive himself into a ditch. As he etched closer to town, he noticed the number of emergency relief vehicles. Too late he thought. But will be welcomed by the citizens’ none the less. He turned off the highway and down the narrow road that led to his town. As he approached the dawn of a new day encroached the hillside off in the distance. As the veil of darkness lifted, the true devastation was vivid. The town was gone. Not just flattened and damaged, but Gone entirely. Small signs of rubble littered the paddocks and streets. Houses were no more. Even the foundations were lifted and thrown like a candy wrapper. Aaron neared his street and had to stop. He turned off the car and dropped his head into his lap. Breathe in and out, he told himself.

 

The sound of the wind was deafening. Then the sound of the roof peeling off was not like anything he had heard before. Like a giant metal ship being ripped apart. Nature tearing open the lid to a can in the roughest manner possible. Then the force of the wind hit them. Hard. Taking the breath right out of him, he clung on tighter.

“I’m slipping” she shouted. Fear tearing the edges of her voice.

“I won’t let you go” he reassured her. He mustered every ounce of strength he had and gripped tighter. But it wasn’t enough. The force of the wind was like nothing he could put into words. Then he felt himself get torn from her. It all went black. Nothing. No noise, no pain. No memory. Nothing. When he came to, he looked around the rubble for her; what was left of their lives. Shattered into matchsticks. Calling for her desperately. He could hear sobs and cries for help coming from his neighbours. People he Barbequed with. The silence was the worst. Not even crickets. The black of the night around them made it all the worse. After what felt like a lifetime, he saw what will now be forever burned in his memory. A refrigerator, not even theirs, covering her legs. Right where she had been, huddled under the bathroom sink. It has taken her out in one swift motion. She wouldn’t have known. Wouldn’t have felt a thing. At least she didn’t suffer, he thought. He wouldn’t have been able to bear it if she suffered and died slowly.

 

The light was slowly presenting the world of the horrors that enveloped the town last night. As Aaron walked towards where his home once stood, he still couldn’t shake the dark edges from his vision. Now that she is gone, he expects this to be permanent. As if the silence was pierced by the light, voices began to fill his head. Like the floodgates to reality were opened again. He heard his neighbour talking. Then he was shaken to the core. It was her voice. Cracked and vulnerable. But it was her. How could that be? Yes, it was dark, but he saw the legs. It was their bathroom. Where she was before he was ripped from her. As he moved past an uprooted tree he stopped. His heart pounding like a tribal drum. Thud. Thud. Thud. Each beat with purpose. Was he wrong? Did she survive? He started running. He made it past the tree and to where their house once stood. She was there. Tear stained and bloody, but she was there. A heat spread through his body. From his toes moving right up to his head slowly. It was a relief. Sheer joy that she was here. He was sobbing as he moved closer to her. She was weeping. Her eyes were red and swollen.

“Oh baby you made it” he breathed

“How am I supposed to move on from this?” she whispered

“We can move. We can start again somewhere else” he soothed. But she didn’t look at him

He reached out to touch her. Feel her soft skin again. But all he got was cold. Like ice, and his hand went right through her.

“Oh God! You are just a ghost. You didn’t make it” he wailed. His heartbreaking all over again. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry” Aaron was in a state of shock. He could see her. She looked so real. But she wasn’t here with him. She couldn’t see him. Couldn’t hear him. She was stuck in a cycle of the aftermath. Reliving her last moments.

“Henry, we need to move the fridge and get his body out. I don’t want his mother to see him like this. She is on her way.” Tori looked over her shoulder at Aaron’s best friend.

“Yeah, ok, I’ll get help to move it. I’m so sorry Tori. I am going to miss him too. It isn’t fair. It doesn’t seem real” Henry turned to find someone to help him.

“What are you both talking about?” His voice quivered. Confusion caking his mind. And then the last strings of sunlight made it over the horizon, lighting up the whole site. Illuminating every detail. The broken aquarium just two meters from where it used to sit. The shattered bathroom with a stranger’s refrigerator covering the legs. The tattoo he got on his honeymoon, on the ankle of the legs under the fridge…wait!  He looked at his own ankle. It was the same tattoo. He got a matching one with Tori. They both have a coral reef on their left ankle. A scene from what they saw as they were snorkeling together on their honeymoon. Everything went cold. Aaron stood up and looked around. His car was wrapped around the big oak tree in the yard across the road. But how could that be? He was driving it across the country last night. But there it was. His personalised plates gleaming at him in the morning sun. People were cleaning up, scavenging for remains of their lives. He didn’t understand. How can he be here and there at the same time? He thought back to the diner, the waitress as if she didn’t see him at all. The family opened the door, didn’t acknowledge his thank you, didn’t even look at him. The young girls heading into the diner, shivering as he moved past them. His legs were under the fridge. Not hers. His. He heard the fire brigade make their way to his property. Suddenly it all made sense. He understood. She was safe though. And that’s all that mattered. He did his job. He held her for as long as he could. And she made it. Nothing else mattered anymore. Nothing.